Cream of the Crap Netizens

Almost everyone with a computer already know the Internet and just like you the reader, and me, the blogger of this blog, are netizens or whatever Internet cool slang some basement dweller make up.

There are a lot of  netizens all over the Internet and a good number of them uses the Internet for a good cause. I just love the way some netizens use the mainstream feature of the Internet to spread help like the way Philippines handled the Ondoy situation. Every good netizen has its own bad netizen, spread in many idiotic variations. Ladies and gentlemen, here are the cream of the crap netizens, which you can see them in a lot of message boards and blogs.

Radical Activist
This is kind of message board regulars who love to throw strong words after browsing an online thesaurus. They exchange lengthy discussions of certain issues packed with page eating links and attached badly photoshopped images to prove their point.

Always angry and loves to act like your creepy old philosophy professor and only thing missing is you can actually hear the guy voicing his opinions loud through a plug-in mic while choking his pet dog, poor puppy.

Internet Tough Guy
The online brave “bad asses” will respond to you with scary tough responses. Their posts include a photo of themselves, without a shirt, showing his “bad ass” tattoo, flexing their “bad ass” muscles,  holding a “bad ass” gun which he stole from a neighborhood toddler and challenging you to say the thing you said to him online to his face. He will effed you up so bad and you will scream for your uncle, my question is how will his “bad ass” punch goes to the 21 inch “bad ass” LCD monitor and to the face of the “sorry ass” enemy?

They will just scream on the plug-in mic and swears with every cursed word ever known by man, plus the ones invented by your “bad ass” posse, which consists of 2 persons from different countries who don’t understand the English language.

The False Knight in Shining Armor
There is nothing wrong of defending or siding with someone, like a girl from another country and you hardly know a bit of info of her in life, on message board. This people expects immediately that they will receive something in return  for the minute you realized that she is a girl and in need of a great defending, something like sex or live strip show.

They are also known as “white knights” in some message board and stalk the girl vigorously just to get her attention. These knights repeatedly reminds that particular girl that she needs someone as brave and strong as him, while dripping saliva all over the keyboard, scratching the balls while typing his Shakespeare rejected sweet talks. Fortunately, most of I read is that the girls did the right thing, stomped them to hell.

Jejemons
I don’t want to talk about the Jejemons anymore but the best and only way to describe them is they are the language molesters. If a written language has its own abuse landline number like Bantay-Bata, 90% of Jejemons worldwide will be send to jail in a form of  a nursery class, complete with cute star wall motifs, conducting basic alphabet and word lessons.

Narcissistic Know it alls
They assume that they are very important and the greatest thing in the world since the discovery of wheel.  This set of people like throwing strong words toward the victim, after reading a thesaurus of course to make look themselves smarter. They are also obsessed of nitpicking and degrade anyone they think ugly.

These lonely trying hard people are usually seen in message boards and when they see a photo of a very good-looking female, they will say she is ugly and rate them 4 out of 10 wherein the girl can fit in the 8-10 range. In reality, they are just a bunch of educated but fashionably retarded Jejemons hanging out in Internet Cafes all day.

Happy Time Whores
Sadly, a lot of women today, including the teens and even in their 20-30 range counterparts, are getting whorer than ever. They are easily manipulated to do online stripping and other degrading stuff for sheer enjoyment. Some do this to gain something from the viewer, like cash for their cellphone load but a big percentage of them do the sexy show for the heck of it.

Not only women show their skin to the great nation of Internet but men as well, millions of them. Just go to chatroulette.com and you will meet at least 1 guy self pleasuring on cam, thinking you are a female and immediately asks you to show your goods while jerking off vigorously and screaming like a pig.

They use the internet to troll and annoy around message boards and many websites. They fight in terrifying written words which emphasizes that they sound like the cream of a crop alpha male, which made 13-year-old directionless teen girls drop their panties in joy. In reality, they are mostly socially awkward, sexy time deprived, needs psychological rehab and needs a good tap on the head. If you meet one of them, just point, do a Nelson “Ha Ha” laugh and move on with your life while they scratch their head and muttering “what the fuck?”.

Print Damn It!

As a graphic designer, one of the most important stuff in my life is a printer. Others use printers for their documents while in my profession, I use the printer to have my designs printed in an easy to hold printed form for presentation or as the actual output. Before I see my printer and give it an elbow drop because this article is giving me nightmarish flashbacks of printers being dicks, here are some of my Saturday night ramblings about ink vomiting hardware.

Heavy software
Printers in my opinion, is not be a burden to the user. Simply plug, install a few megabytes of drivers to make it acquainted with your computer and use it. Modern printers in the other hand, requires you to install heavy software around at least 100MB to make them work, wherein the installed software you are going to use  is the driver itself and forget the other software. Most of the time the bundled software is already outdated and the company being dick, requires you to download a heavier software via the Internet before you can use it.

Ink Color Incomplete? No Print!
Some of the modern printers are douchebags. They refuse to work with you if the color cartridge is empty even if you want to use black ink for black and white printing, like word documents.  On 4 ink based (CMYK – Cyan, Magenta, Yellow, Black/Key) printers, they will slap in your face by not working with you unless if the 4 inks are complete, even if you are only using one color that is full.

Ink Cartridges are insanely expensive
Inks are excessively too much for your budget and it is imperative to sell your organs or your soul just to buy a fresh one. It is a burden to have a chunk of percentage on your earnings just to get a new cartridge. Some say you may use the draft settings for print, but in my profession, 80% of time the settings is in either normal or best options. More usage of ink means less usage of your cash to your needs.

Paper destroyer
A lot of printers are hungry for expensive papers like photo and matte variations. They will eat your paper by jamming in their mouths and chew them vigorously to the point you can only reuse it as a scratch paper or as a crumpled imaginary basketball and tossed it in a trash can while screaming “I am the best basketball player bitch!!”.

Refuse to print on inappropriate times
Don’t you just love to throw your printer through the window when it dicks around and refuses to work properly on times you desperately need for a print out. You tried everything except hitting it with a kitchen sink yet the printer still doesn’t want to print. Later, in an unexplainable reason, the printer acts normal and lets you print wherein you have less than 5 minutes before hitting the deadline.

Just like every computer peripheral in existence, printers are assholes and provides unnecessary headaches. The ink cartridges are also need be cheaper and very accessible to common consumers because logically, without an ink, you can’t use a printer, unless your printer has a built-in ink factory inside and disperse Ice cold tea. Now print, damn it!

Somewhere in Youtube: The Insane True Story Behind the Birth of the Internet

The Language Molestors

Since Internet and its all broadband glory is already in the mainstream, a lot of people uses the Internet to exchange ideas and inputs. Since many people are partaking the great Internet concept, there is still a percentage of users labeled as Jejemons.

Jejemon? what the fudge?
Admittedly I have no idea on what a Jejemon yet I met them almost everyday especially on local message boards. I just learned the term a week ago and I realized they are literally a lot of them, thousands of them. A Jejemon uses an absurd language which is a localized and modified version of 1337 speak or leet speak or as I called it as idiot speak. 1337 speak is what the foreign online gamers and computer geeks used to communicate with each other, their own language widely used by young Internet athletes, which consists of basement dwellers and has a phobia of outside life.

A simple he he he is not hard to type
The term Jejemon is taken from the murdered phrase of  “he he he”. From the universally known “he he he” was tragically converted into “je je je”. Some others say it all started with a typo like how “owned” turned  into “pwned” but repeatedly using the letter J instead of letter H is pure bullcrap. They love to put unnecessary letters to words to make it longer, for the reason I don’t know why. Another characteristic of this idiocy is to mix both lower and upper case of a letter, in one word. An example is the word hello, if  molested by a Jejemon, HeLouwH is the new word. Combining similar sounding letters side by side to make it more complicated like the word afternoon turns into AfPterNuN.

Jejemons, the Younger Years
Actually the Jejemon phenomenon is not new, they are just more prevalent than before because the easy accessibility of the broadband Internet. Back when I was just starting using the net, around 97 or 98, a lot of Jejemons already spread their language nonsense throughout the cyberspace. Internet back then is still not a mainstream thing and I got my first taste of Internet access inside of our old school library. Some of them are actually my old friends in high school and they are usually hang around in MIRC and the early versions of Yahoo Chats. Fortunately I never adopt Jejemonesque language, the closest similar language I use online are the usual Internet slangs like LOL, ROFL and Full of Win.

Jejemons, the Modern Crap
Now, the modern Jejemons dances around in the Internet, especially in big social sites. In my observation there are just a bunch of directionless male teenagers who acts like stereotype hispanic gangsters, throwing ridiculous hand signs and wearing outrageous clothes while inside of a public Internet café, wasting the hard-earned money of their parents through being idiots in the Internet. Unfortunately, they are a lot of female Jejemons, I think they greater in numbers than their male counterparts. You know the type, excited teen girls and doing cutesy stuff in the Internet, communicating each other through their murdered language and does other stuff  a lot of modern teens enjoy, which includes stripping themselves and doing shows online naked. Sadly, there are 20+ Filipinos who still do the Jejemon crap and should face a repeatedly stabbing with a broken keyboard to the head.

A way to lessen the number of Jejemons is don’t feed on their idiocy. Still The best thing to fight Jejemons is simply take the Internet and the computer itself away from them and put them back to school, probably all the way down to basic Nursery level language class.

The Kids Aren’t Alright

Last Saturday, we did a photo shoot for a client, and in the middle of the session, 4 teenage kids, related to the client I suppose,  entered the scene and start acting what I really hate, which is being annoying dicks, which consists of obnoxiously noisy and doing a quick sexy time outside of the studio where they thought no one can see their pre-marital deed. I asked myself what the heck is wrong with today’s youth today, well not all of them. Let say 60% of current generation of teenagers are a bunch of….. well, dicks.

Before I grab an annoying directionless kid and show them an non-Internet life called “real life”, here are some my observations and inputs on why some of the kids aren’t alright this days. Remember, I always say SOME, not all of them because there are still a crop of teenagers who can do wonders in the future. Lastly, yes, my topic title is an Offspring song, kick ass.

SEXYcitement Time
Younger generations are more sexually active today. They are really excited, way excited when it comes to sexy time. I know teenage life is where you will know the birds and the bees crap but damn, some of them already know the stuff before hitting 13. I thought liberated teenagers only associated to foreign teens, but  now it applies with local teens, complete with strap showing contests with each others. It is scary now it is easier to get to someone’s pants with just a few sweet talk and all that crap.

Camwhore Galore
I still don’t get teen’s obsession of taking their photos in their underwear in their under aged glory, in a weird upper right corner and posting in the Internet. Later, they will cry and have their “emotional breakdown” when the photo goes to places even Google does not want to archive.

Emo Crapload
They are really emotional, I mean super emotional to the point you will think is this just an act or your overacting skills powered of being an emotional junkie is really convincing. It’s like it’s the end of the world if you partner of one week, which you only met through social sites, dumped you over to a foreigner 30ish guy she also met online. Sadly, a lot of them cut themselves with rusty cardboard cutter and end their life in an instant.

Pussified
Maybe being sheltered for a long time and luring them away from the real world, they cannot handle instances where being strong is a big need. Example, they will go overreact if he or she got a little wound, but before getting the proper treatment, they will go hysterical and sometimes cry in one corner. If they met a problem, instead of facing it directly, they will just rely to someone who will handle the situation while you, the pussified person, is smiling and continue updating his Facebook status via a mobile phone.

Cannot survive without their daily dose of Internet
I know, I know, Internet is an essential everyday tool, but come on, lessen your online presence and, you know, hang out with your friends and go places. Hanging out with your close friends is simply, very good for your life.

Jejemons or whatever you called it
They have an insane fetish of destroying written words in every despicable way. The weird thing is they actually understand and communicate each other through their murdered language. This “Jejemons” or simply idiots is usually seen in a lot of message boards and social sites. At first I don’t have any idea on what the heck is a Jejemon so I googled it, and in few seconds felt sad to the 60% of the youth.

Brash and very impolite
Every generation of teenagers has its own line of disrespectful and impolite chunks which I am guilty of. Now, there are more brash, disrespectful and impolite to their elders. Nowadays you can no longer see the line between the elders and teens in terms of respect. They are all talk but when it is time to face the problem, they will go in pussified mode.

Lazier than Garfield
Maybe I blame their parents for this but a lot of today’s teens are lazy and being spoon fed with a silver spoon from left and right. There is no balance of learning new stuff through insistent hard work and consistent perseverance. No more sense of responsibility for the kids today and that’s why a lot of unwanted pregnancies, early unfortunate deaths, juvenile detainees and kids with no future emerged.

Teenage life is what a lot of considered the best stage of our life so don’t waste it in the drain. Be firm and strong and don’t throw away your life because some idiot that you plan to marry in 10 years left you for another idiot.Balance fun and hard work which will lead you to a good life once you exited the awkward years. Lastly and the most important thing to remember for teenagers is not be a dick.