Those Other Computer Thingies

Today the world is getting smaller in terms of inter connectivity thanks to Internet. We all know the Internet, you know, created for the purpose of exchanging insightful ideas but later tarnished by people who are into furry, scat and other horrible fetishes.

A lot of common everyday stuff is now computer assisted with names that has letter E or I at the beginning like E-Mail, E-Brochure, E-Poke and I-Pad . I am a blogger, a Facebook user and a regular guy who participates in some online message boards, but still there are some computer things that does not apply for me, I just can’t feel it.

My own personal Twitter account
I read some Twits from some celebrities, news sites and friends but I just can’t have my very own Twitter page. I am not that guy who is always connected to the net and starts showering everyone with my updates, clicking the like button left and right and being just active in social media.

Homer Knows Twitter

They say its like a lite version of Facebook status thing, but in Facebook I don’t regularly post statuses, even in this “best time-wasting blog ever ®”, I can’t write anything in regular basis even I do love writing stuff.

Banking, ordering stuff and anything involves with money via the net
The closest thing that I have done with e-banking is just checking out my savings balance online. Even it is user-friendly I still prefer physical contact when I do money transactions. I think it is more reliable talking and interacting with people than rereading FAQs that mostly filled up with bank jargon that may sound gibberish to you.

The Masked Internet Robber at work

I still don’t trust the series of tubes called the Internet when it comes on ordering and transacting stuff online. When I want to have my food delivered I rather dial their delivery number. If there is something I want to buy that is available locally, I will just drive there and buy that stuff. If the stuff is not available locally and can only avail abroad, I just move on especially if it is just a novelty item.

Using Facebook Applications
I only use Facebook for statuses, viewing photos, clicking links and watching videos. Using miscellaneous applications that rampaging throughout the tubes of Facebook is not my thing.

A Super Poke (citation needed)

Some will super-poke me expecting to super-poke them back and receiving lots and lots of gaming or application requests that fills up my notification page that I will drop, probably after a year later.

Reading a whole E-Book in a computer screen
Maybe read an E-Book with less than 20 pages is tolerable enough but reading a complete more than 20 pages E-Book via your screen is nerve wrecking and make my eyes hurt worse than my Bells Palsy experience. The current rush of touch screen products like iPad makes reading E-Books easier. But, having the real physical book is still better than reading E-book for its sheer convenience in reading.

also a good storage for your orange gun collection

Reading a text heavy in a screen with light-colored background is like staring directly in a tungsten light bulb.

Playing online games
The last time I played an online game is way back in my freshmen years in college. Counterstrike is the most popular online game back then and my old computer can actually run that game. Later, when a surge of online games, mostly RPGs popularize by Ragnarök, starts sprouting like flowers I just did not feel like playing it with LAN parties, real competition that encompasses across the world.

and at the same time they are planning a real world domination
via the power of Internet

I love videogames but I just can’t see myself dealing with very complex games and I don’t want to throw some money just to get some good stuff in the games. I still play quick flash-based games from time to time but current wave of online gaming is not my cup of tea.

Listening to podcast
I love listening to radio, it’s already a ritual for me to tune in to Magic 89.9 whenever I drive to work in the morning, and later setting the radio to Jam 88.3 while driving back to good old Las Pinas City. I also listen to online radios but listening to podcast, especially the ones primarily focusing on speaking and no audio or music support whatsoever is not appealing for me, it’s so darn boring.

Seeing guys bored to death is more entertaining

Majority of podcasters out there sounds monotonous and not entertaining. Some of them are just randomly rambling about anything and you wish you can go to that podcasters house, get his wired mic and strangle him with an ease.

You are most likely into the stuff I mentioned above but like what I always say, different strokes for different folks, you may like Twitter but you don’t want to blog yet I like to blog but I don’t want to create and be active over at Twitter. I like the whole internet thing because we can communicate with other people easier; relive nostalgic things in various ways; and of course torrent downloading but some stuff in computer and Internet thingy that I just can’t see myself using in a regular basis.

Those FB Photos

Hello, its Christmas season again and work starts getting a little lighter. What better way to celebrate this festive season is to spank in written form anyone who does not use their Facebook photo features properly.

One of the features of Facebook is of course, having your photo published for everyone to see, including your sweaty stalker. Your primary photo’s overall feel, in the essence, is not complicated, not stiff and very presentable since the very first thing a viewer of your profile will look for is your photo.

If your photo is the annoying type, the viewer might not check out your Facebook anymore. Hilarity ensues if your father see your primary photo showing horrible things like doing something inappropriate with a piece of an inanimate object.

Overall, they are just some photos that are highly recommended be placed inside on one of your internal photo albums or better, for the sake of doing good to the world, don’t post it.

Flex, flex, flex and more flex

Showcasing your hard etched body especially abs
There is something unsettling seeing people who does t-shirt lifting to show his abs or flexing around their unnatural muscles. Boasting their physical appearances is a way to compensate of some of their shortcoming, maybe in literal sense or something else. In the end its annoying. I am not in a way jealous seeing people with awesome bodies, just don’t flaunt it around. Yes, I am proud with my abs, 6 packs (of beer) and all.

Duckfacing…. sexy?

The Duckface
A very sad attempt to look sexy. Mostly done by female crowd and a way to do a subtle cock tease for their horny stalker really look stupid. Why a lot of girls do that? stop doing that expression accompanied by a failed gangsta style hand gestured you copied from some guy on Facebook. According to some guy in the Internet, the duckfacing, in his observation, is a way for select women to hide their insecurities . It’s like a false advertisement to the viewers of their photo, kinda like the next one.

Nice…Oh shhhhhh

The Dreaded MySpace angle
Many people around the Internet world loves this angle when they took their own photos. Their preferred room for their personal pictorial is always been the bathroom or their own rooms. This deceiving angle, if placed upper sideways from your body tend to overemphasize your face than your lower body. It is a way to hide something about your body that the world don’t want to see. It’s also a very powerful attention gathering tool, it can fool idiots thinking you have the hottest or yummiest body ever.

MySpace Angle: Dogs love it, Cats still does not care

Named after MySpace because you know, it was popular and THE social site back then, but the angle later scattered other social sites, like the current king of social networking, Facebook.

I am going to effed you up!

The Tough Guy/Look at me I am THE MAN/WOMAN Look
Again, being anonymous in the Internet in a way can cover your real self. You can see this set of lonely people raising havoc in many message boards with their scary typing skills and what not. Accompanied by their over worked muscles and their bad ass tattoos doing not normal shenanigans in their photos. They tend to do the Duckface crap and flaunt to the world-wide web with photos surrounded by whores and man whores, paid by them of course, Their statuses and self-written comments to their own photos, packed with narcissistic nonsense that you wish that an anvil comes from the sky and hits those people who wear ridiculous “gangsta” outfits that they raided (actually bought) in the thrift shops.

Yes! you rock! whoever you are!

Concert/Event + Mobile Phone with built-in motion blur = Can’t see shit
This always happened after a major concert/event ended. In delight we tried our best to take photos with our mobile phone since event security is allergic with high-resolution cameras like a DLSR. Why banned DLSRs? are we going to shoot the performers with our ordinary cameras? With a lot of crap going on like stage lights swirling around  and everyone is moving around on the crowd, 97% of time you will get a blurred shot. If you uploaded it, maybe you can only make out on at least one photo. Don’t bother uploading it

Find your local versions of the photo above

The Douchebag look
You just want to hit the face with the wrench, everyone one of them.

Merry Christmas and thanks for keeping my blog warm when I don’t post!

Internet is serious business… can give you serious issues

We are online at least once a day, like what I always say, being online, through your mobile or in a computer, is very essential tool for our daily lives, it provide us with entertainment, time-wasting activity generator and of course profit. In the end, there should still be a limit of being online and not affecting your real life with all the crap the internet has to offer,  its time to cut off the access before it developed into a full-blown internet addiction, complete with having a session with an Internet addict anonymous group, which unfortunately exists.

Pointless Updates From Out of Nowhere
With the power of mobile internet, you can absolutely use the net anywhere. In the end , you don’t need to put unnecessary and very pointless Facebook status and tweets that only you and your personal stalker will care. Your personal stalker will deed every time you post a single update in directionless intervals, even if it is pointless (like you just ate your favorite ice cream), you saw a celebrity (slightly interesting) or you saw an Elephant crashing from the skies (that is very interesting.)

Your DVD/Beta/VHS/VCD/Laser Disc movie collection is… collecting dust
When was the last time you actually bought an original movie that is in a physical case? in my opinion, movies in physical format is still superior than watching your hard drive eating movies from your computer or other similar devices. It sucks whenever you watched a streaming movie buffers due to your internet speed. At least you are not worrying about disk space of your computer. It is also awkward to watch a movie, in a small screen, shaking like crazy while you are inside of a vehicle, with your headphones on your ears.

Getting REALLY angry in message boards, chatrooms, etc
Message boards is a way to interact with other people, some good but mostly dicks. Don’t go bonkers whenever you read something that is not right, like someone responding negatively from your entry. Maybe have a respond and have a good debate of some sort but don’t bring it up in real life. If you can’t let go your rage because someone fought you online with harsh words and emoticons with angry faces, which should not bother you in the first place, just find any flash games that involves explosions and shooting to release your anger.

You can’t last a short time without checking your email
It’s okay to check your email regularly, especially if it is work related, but there are times you don’t need to check your email, especially if you are in appropriate place and time, like in a funeral or having a well deserved vacation. You don’t need to keep on clicking the “new mail” every chance you can, even if it is clearly there is no fresh email arriving. It is not your problem if someone from a different time zone, country and with “all work no rest” mentality send you an email with a time stamp of 2:32 AM local time, and you go in a paranoid trance because you did not get a chance to read his email, at 2:32 AM, wherein you should be resting and catching some zzzs. That is why there is a determined work time at the office, that’s when you can check the email from a guy that has no life.

Constantly checking updates
Opposite of you constantly updating your status. This time, you are the one, probably the personal stalker of someone, stares at the screen, awaiting for any kind of update since you know the person is online. You just can’t wait to know what he ate for his lunch, was it a Tuna sandwich his dear mother made or a corned beef sandwich he taken from a gasoline station from the other side of the city? This disorder also applies to surfers who refreshes a web page with a patterned interval just to see a latest update, even if the writer of the site is somewhere taking a coffee break.

You are more productive in online games than in real life
You earn millions, has a set of houses and have a successful restaurant, all in online game formats of course. In real life, you barely reached a substantial income every month, you still pay to your run down house, and still eating in same old restaurant. If you can be productive in online games, even if the premise were ridiculous and easy to win, just use that drive in real life to be successful in real life. Who knows, using your own developed strategies raising cattle online is the way to lead you in a better tomorrow.

Just use the Internet in moderation, even if it is redundantly everyday. Just balanced everything and remember that the most important thing ever is that you have a life outside of all those cables and tubes called the Internet

Annoying Facebooking

Facebook is a great tool for your social life and a good way to reconnect with your old friends, the close ones of course, all the way back in your elementary days. Still, the most prized feature of Facebook, the status update, can be abused with borderline annoying and most of the time unnecessary entries. Having Facebook as a mobile application can also be considered as a sin, because you can post pointless status anywhere like in a posh mall eating your ice cream or seating outside of Starbucks looking fabulous without ordering anything. Here are some of the annoying status that plaque Facebook servers.

Attention Whore
They usually post something that will make them good, or in a way praise themselves in a narcissistic manner. Examples like “I completed a 1,000 meter dash without any sweat” or “I just got my car a new set of wheels, lolz”.

Attention Whore 2: The Emotional Edition
They use the Facebook to release his emotional outburst in a confusing manner. The posts will make you ask what the hell happened to you and he will answer in a subtle way that you want to hit his head repeatedly with a keyboard. They have problems and want to share it to the world through Facebook, but his online friends will have to endure of figuring out the problem in the first place.

Gamer Inviter
We all admittedly play games in Facebook and I am a Restaurant City and Tower Bloxx addict. But please don’t bombard the Facebook walls with game invites repeatedly. One time ignore is enough so stop reinviting me again to play this games.

My lovelife is broadcasted to the world
Good for you if you have the greatest partner in the whole world, which you probably also told to your ex-significant others that they were the greatest partner in the whole world. If you want to talk about your love shenanigans either negative or positive, talk to your real life friends in real life than post it with people who has no absolutely idea about your private life.

I comment to my own status
You post a status, then in few seconds you will place a follow-up comment, then in few minutes you will post another comment even without any contribution from other users. It is like you are talking to yourself like you are having a schizophrenia moment. For example, your status is “I will have a great party on Saturday” then you will leave a comment on your own status with “That party will be awesome, YEAH” then for no reason at all you will place another comment on your own status with “LOLZ”

I answer this quiz you also answer this puhleeze
Like the Gamer Inviter, this time they will splatter your Facebook wall with invitations for quizzes, mostly pointless like are you a lefty or a righty quiz. If you ignored it, 90% of time they will invite you again to answer those quizzes. The more you answer and add the quiz results on your Facebook page, the layout will became more and more like the dreaded chopsuey emo layout of Myspace and the only thing missing is all those twinkling stars.

I unload a big load of crap in my toilet! POST IT! I brushed my teeth! POST IT! I am all alone in this cubicle because of overtime work! POST IT! I am a lefty in this quiz! POST IT! I am taking a bath! POST IT!
Sadly, there are a lot of them in Facebook that will post anything, including the ones that are very unnecessary like taking a shower. They constantly post and won’t last a short period of time without posting any new updates. They probably have at least 10 status updates per day and most of them are pointless.

Facebook Status should have a point, not annoying and must be used properly for the good of the world.

What the Eff…Facebook groups

Facebook is now todays Friendster. Back during the heyday of Friendster and MySpace, aside from the usual individual profiles there were profiles created for the homage of items, food and even a phrase. Today, Facebook can make fan pages for everything and no longer treat as an individual human account. Of course, with the power of anonymity of the internet and applying real life shenanigans online, just like my blog, there are some odd, weird and unusual Facebook groups that grows immensely all over the servers of Facebook. This is the What The Eff…Facebook groups and  I personally found some of them within my friends list and randomly across Facebook.

Girls Get Period Pains, Why Don’t Boys Get A Kick In The Balls Once A Month
with 217,367 fans
Well, I can’t blame girls for their monthly pains, but please, being kicked in the balls is like being punched by Manny Pacquiao and Muhammad Ali on the face, at the same time.

ATTEMPTING TO KILL A PERSON WITH YOUR MIND
with 4,919 fans
We all have desires to kill the person you hated the most, even hitting them with a folded steel chair repeatedly. Imagining doing the killing deed is better than actually doing it. Now go hit the person more with your imaginary baseball bat to his imaginary body.

No, I Don’t Care If I Die At 12AM, I Refuse To Pass On Your Chain Letter
with 1,043,318 fans
This I definitely agree, I received my first stupid chain mail of same content way back in 98, when I got my first personal email. I hope the original sender of this atrocity should die a horrible death at 12 AM, through my mind of course.

I Yell At Inanimate Objects
with 73,445 fans
Different strokes for different folks, we all love to yell when we are mad, but you can do this in a different and humane way, like yell in an inanimate objects, like a mannequin with an annoying smile. After yelling your heart out over it, now hit it with a baseball repeatedly.

I Want to have sex on a Grand Piano
with 1,209 fans
Good thing it’s not about doing the deed with the Piano but doing it with your partner, on top of the Grand Piano, in it’s all cold, black, smooth surface glory.

All Glory to the Hypnotoad
with 7,302 fans
It is one of the most popular internet me…. ALL GLORY TO HYPNOTOAD!

I read the group name, I laugh, I join, I never look at it again
with 501, 815 fans
If you don’t know which Facebook group you’ll join this is the perfect group for you. Why? this group is just there for you for no reason at all. Sounds good? join them.

Internet is definitely, a weird place.