Those FB Photos

Hello, its Christmas season again and work starts getting a little lighter. What better way to celebrate this festive season is to spank in written form anyone who does not use their Facebook photo features properly.

One of the features of Facebook is of course, having your photo published for everyone to see, including your sweaty stalker. Your primary photo’s overall feel, in the essence, is not complicated, not stiff and very presentable since the very first thing a viewer of your profile will look for is your photo.

If your photo is the annoying type, the viewer might not check out your Facebook anymore. Hilarity ensues if your father see your primary photo showing horrible things like doing something inappropriate with a piece of an inanimate object.

Overall, they are just some photos that are highly recommended be placed inside on one of your internal photo albums or better, for the sake of doing good to the world, don’t post it.

Flex, flex, flex and more flex

Showcasing your hard etched body especially abs
There is something unsettling seeing people who does t-shirt lifting to show his abs or flexing around their unnatural muscles. Boasting their physical appearances is a way to compensate of some of their shortcoming, maybe in literal sense or something else. In the end its annoying. I am not in a way jealous seeing people with awesome bodies, just don’t flaunt it around. Yes, I am proud with my abs, 6 packs (of beer) and all.

Duckfacing…. sexy?

The Duckface
A very sad attempt to look sexy. Mostly done by female crowd and a way to do a subtle cock tease for their horny stalker really look stupid. Why a lot of girls do that? stop doing that expression accompanied by a failed gangsta style hand gestured you copied from some guy on Facebook. According to some guy in the Internet, the duckfacing, in his observation, is a way for select women to hide their insecurities . It’s like a false advertisement to the viewers of their photo, kinda like the next one.

Nice…Oh shhhhhh

The Dreaded MySpace angle
Many people around the Internet world loves this angle when they took their own photos. Their preferred room for their personal pictorial is always been the bathroom or their own rooms. This deceiving angle, if placed upper sideways from your body tend to overemphasize your face than your lower body. It is a way to hide something about your body that the world don’t want to see. It’s also a very powerful attention gathering tool, it can fool idiots thinking you have the hottest or yummiest body ever.

MySpace Angle: Dogs love it, Cats still does not care

Named after MySpace because you know, it was popular and THE social site back then, but the angle later scattered other social sites, like the current king of social networking, Facebook.

I am going to effed you up!

The Tough Guy/Look at me I am THE MAN/WOMAN Look
Again, being anonymous in the Internet in a way can cover your real self. You can see this set of lonely people raising havoc in many message boards with their scary typing skills and what not. Accompanied by their over worked muscles and their bad ass tattoos doing not normal shenanigans in their photos. They tend to do the Duckface crap and flaunt to the world-wide web with photos surrounded by whores and man whores, paid by them of course, Their statuses and self-written comments to their own photos, packed with narcissistic nonsense that you wish that an anvil comes from the sky and hits those people who wear ridiculous “gangsta” outfits that they raided (actually bought) in the thrift shops.

Yes! you rock! whoever you are!

Concert/Event + Mobile Phone with built-in motion blur = Can’t see shit
This always happened after a major concert/event ended. In delight we tried our best to take photos with our mobile phone since event security is allergic with high-resolution cameras like a DLSR. Why banned DLSRs? are we going to shoot the performers with our ordinary cameras? With a lot of crap going on like stage lights swirling around  and everyone is moving around on the crowd, 97% of time you will get a blurred shot. If you uploaded it, maybe you can only make out on at least one photo. Don’t bother uploading it

Find your local versions of the photo above

The Douchebag look
You just want to hit the face with the wrench, everyone one of them.

Merry Christmas and thanks for keeping my blog warm when I don’t post!

Cream of the Crap Netizens

Almost everyone with a computer already know the Internet and just like you the reader, and me, the blogger of this blog, are netizens or whatever Internet cool slang some basement dweller make up.

There are a lot of  netizens all over the Internet and a good number of them uses the Internet for a good cause. I just love the way some netizens use the mainstream feature of the Internet to spread help like the way Philippines handled the Ondoy situation. Every good netizen has its own bad netizen, spread in many idiotic variations. Ladies and gentlemen, here are the cream of the crap netizens, which you can see them in a lot of message boards and blogs.

Radical Activist
This is kind of message board regulars who love to throw strong words after browsing an online thesaurus. They exchange lengthy discussions of certain issues packed with page eating links and attached badly photoshopped images to prove their point.

Always angry and loves to act like your creepy old philosophy professor and only thing missing is you can actually hear the guy voicing his opinions loud through a plug-in mic while choking his pet dog, poor puppy.

Internet Tough Guy
The online brave “bad asses” will respond to you with scary tough responses. Their posts include a photo of themselves, without a shirt, showing his “bad ass” tattoo, flexing their “bad ass” muscles,  holding a “bad ass” gun which he stole from a neighborhood toddler and challenging you to say the thing you said to him online to his face. He will effed you up so bad and you will scream for your uncle, my question is how will his “bad ass” punch goes to the 21 inch “bad ass” LCD monitor and to the face of the “sorry ass” enemy?

They will just scream on the plug-in mic and swears with every cursed word ever known by man, plus the ones invented by your “bad ass” posse, which consists of 2 persons from different countries who don’t understand the English language.

The False Knight in Shining Armor
There is nothing wrong of defending or siding with someone, like a girl from another country and you hardly know a bit of info of her in life, on message board. This people expects immediately that they will receive something in return  for the minute you realized that she is a girl and in need of a great defending, something like sex or live strip show.

They are also known as “white knights” in some message board and stalk the girl vigorously just to get her attention. These knights repeatedly reminds that particular girl that she needs someone as brave and strong as him, while dripping saliva all over the keyboard, scratching the balls while typing his Shakespeare rejected sweet talks. Fortunately, most of I read is that the girls did the right thing, stomped them to hell.

Jejemons
I don’t want to talk about the Jejemons anymore but the best and only way to describe them is they are the language molesters. If a written language has its own abuse landline number like Bantay-Bata, 90% of Jejemons worldwide will be send to jail in a form of  a nursery class, complete with cute star wall motifs, conducting basic alphabet and word lessons.

Narcissistic Know it alls
They assume that they are very important and the greatest thing in the world since the discovery of wheel.  This set of people like throwing strong words toward the victim, after reading a thesaurus of course to make look themselves smarter. They are also obsessed of nitpicking and degrade anyone they think ugly.

These lonely trying hard people are usually seen in message boards and when they see a photo of a very good-looking female, they will say she is ugly and rate them 4 out of 10 wherein the girl can fit in the 8-10 range. In reality, they are just a bunch of educated but fashionably retarded Jejemons hanging out in Internet Cafes all day.

Happy Time Whores
Sadly, a lot of women today, including the teens and even in their 20-30 range counterparts, are getting whorer than ever. They are easily manipulated to do online stripping and other degrading stuff for sheer enjoyment. Some do this to gain something from the viewer, like cash for their cellphone load but a big percentage of them do the sexy show for the heck of it.

Not only women show their skin to the great nation of Internet but men as well, millions of them. Just go to chatroulette.com and you will meet at least 1 guy self pleasuring on cam, thinking you are a female and immediately asks you to show your goods while jerking off vigorously and screaming like a pig.

They use the internet to troll and annoy around message boards and many websites. They fight in terrifying written words which emphasizes that they sound like the cream of a crop alpha male, which made 13-year-old directionless teen girls drop their panties in joy. In reality, they are mostly socially awkward, sexy time deprived, needs psychological rehab and needs a good tap on the head. If you meet one of them, just point, do a Nelson “Ha Ha” laugh and move on with your life while they scratch their head and muttering “what the fuck?”.